You had my heart inside of your hand
by CharlieTheLessFamous
Summary: Dalton!verse, Juliark. Clark thinks he has no chance.


**AN: Yeah, I know, it's… meh. But it sort of wrote itself, and… yeah. Review? Thanks.**

**Warnings: Uhh, a tiny bit of language, implied bad habits… that's about it.**

**Pairing: Juliark (Julian/Clark)**

**Fandom: Glee, Dalton!verse**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee (Ryan Murphy), Dalton (CP Coulter) or Rolling In The Deep (Adele)**

_*** Dalton ***_

_There's a fire starting in my heart__  
><em>_Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark_

The first time Clark met Julian was on the set of _Something Damaged_. The teenager had signed up for four episodes as a guest star, playing a friend of Matt, so everyone took that as a sign that Saint Clark would look after him. Clark agreed and went to collect the younger boy from the office.

And that was when he fell for him.

Julian, at sixteen, was really rather stunning. He was tall – though not as tall as Clark – with oak brown hair and warm, chocolate eyes, and when he smiled at Clark they lit up.

Back in his trailer, Clark scolded himself. Julian was too young, and he was straight. No matter that his heart leapt whenever he saw him, it wasn't appropriate.

___Finally I can see you crystal clear__  
><em>_Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare_

At the end of _Something Damaged's_ second season, they had a wrap party and everyone – apart from Clark, who didn't drink – got very drunk. He suspected it was Julian's first time drinking this much, and the boy didn't look as though he was coping very well, so Clark led him out to the car and took him home – well, to his trailer, anyway. The brunette begged him to stay and broke down in tears, confessing he had feelings for a boy at school – Logan – and that they weren't returned. Clark fought down the intense jealousy he felt, and fell deeper in love with Julian – and this time, it was the real Julian.

___See how I'll leave with every piece of you__  
><em>_Don't underestimate the things that I will do__  
><em>

Every time Julian left for Dalton, he took a little bit more of Clark's heart with him. The blond would sit in his trailer, car keys in hand, seriously considering following him, telling him everything. But Julian loved Logan, and there was little to no chance of him settling for Clark. He constantly told the pop star to find himself a girl. The ease with which he overlooked him was the only thing that stopped Clark running after him – Julian left nothing behind. Clark came close to telling Julian on many occasions, but always backed out, as he didn't think he could cope with rejection.

___There's a fire starting in my heart__  
><em>_Reaching a fever pitch__  
><em>_And it's bringing me out the dark__  
><em>

Everybody saw Clark as "the last saint in Hollywood", and it couldn't be further from the truth. The boy didn't drink because there was a recent time when it was all he did. He screamed at Julian when he came to set smoking and frighteningly thin, because he had once looked just like that.

When he first started out on _Something Damaged_ – then very much a rookie – he'd hidden himself away, barely made friends at all, and avoided spending too much time with any one person, in case they picked up on how wreaked he was.

Somehow, he kept up his saint like image, at least until he was told to look after Julian, and the boy stuck with him. He was surprised by how… clingy Julian was. He had to clean up his act, because Julian would have seen through his act in ten seconds flat. Julian forced him into the light.

___The scars of your love remind me of us__  
><em>_They keep me thinking that we almost had it all__  
><em>_The scars of your love, they leave me breathless_

_I can't help feeling__  
><em>_We could have had it all_

When Julian told him about his crush on Logan, a small, selfish part of Clark just thought "I have a chance, we're friends, we're close, so how hard could it be?" and that hurt. He sat there, wanting to help the younger teen, and instead he was praying that Julian was scarred enough to stay away from Logan. Heartbroken Julian very nearly broke him, too, as it was nearly impossible to just pat Julian on the shoulder and talk, he could so easily have kissed him, held him close, told him it would all be okay. They could have fixed each other, and yet they didn't.

___Rolling in the deep__  
><em>_(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)__  
><em>_You had my heart inside of your hand_

Clark cried when Julian went back anyway, citing the need to sit exams (he didn't). Julian came and went, blissfully unaware of the fact he stole Clark's heart with each entrance and exit, leaving a sobbing blond for a snappy one every so often, returning to film, taking movies when he couldn't cope with the real life drama of high school that Clark envied. It was times like this he regretted dropping out to focus on his career, especially when Julian was showing him how you could balance the two, using each to escape the other. He desperately needed an escape, but he didn't have one.

___(You're gonna wish you never had met me)__  
><em>_And you played it to the beat__  
><em>_(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)__  
><em>

There were days – the ones immediately after Julian leaving, or coming back smiling about Dalton, that he wished they'd never met. It would have been so much easier to have gone through life oblivious of the actor – although, with Julian's fame, a crush was inevitable. But with Julian here, unintentionally teasing him, and encouraging him, it was so much harder to get over him. Every time he succeeded, Julian came back and the cycle just started over, leaving him a little sadder than before, not that anyone noticed. He was Clark, he didn't have problems.

At least, that was the popular opinion.

___Baby, I have no story to be told__  
><em>_But I've heard one of you__  
><em>_And I'm gonna make your head burn_

Midway through the third season, Clark spotted Julian leaving a gay nightclub, arm-in-arm with a gorgeous blond (not Logan, he checked). He promised not to tell anyone, but from then on he had an advantage, because he knew Julian's secret, and the brunette was highly embarrassed by it. The night he told Clark of his crush had been forgotten in a haze of alcohol, and as far as he knew Clark was straight. The blond had stayed in the closet on his publicist's advice, because it would be harder to get straight roles if he admitted he wasn't. So for the first time, Clark had the higher hand.

___Think of me in the depths of your despair__  
><em>_Making a home down there__  
><em>_As mine sure won't be shared__  
><em>

Slowly, Julian warmed up to him. It was him, not Derek, he called when Logan got too much, and it was Clark he called, sobbing, when the stalker he'd kept a secret left him threats at school, where he'd always been safe. Clark insisted on flying to Ohio, which he knew Julian considered home. He didn't try to make him leave, because Julian needed his friends, and Clark had never thought that group included him. He changed his mind when the brunette asked him to stay with him over the holiday, when they weren't filming, because he didn't want to be alone. Saying yes hurt, but not as much as considering no.

___The scars of your love remind me of us__  
><em>_They keep me thinking that we almost had it all_

_The scars of your love, they leave me breathless__  
><em>_I can't help feeling__  
><em>_We could have had it all_

That week, Clark was careful to hide his feelings. Julian didn't need anything else dumping on him, because he was a wreak, made worse by the fact Logan had reacted with screams and anger at Julian for not telling them. Clark's heart broke for him, as it was obvious Julian was too scared to tell anyone. He wished he could tell him, and provide an anchor, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Sure, they could have so much more, but there was also too much to lose, for both of them. They were best friends, and for now it was enough.

___Rolling in the deep__  
><em>_(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)__  
><em>_You had my heart inside of your hand_

He cried in secret, though. Hidden from Julian, so as not to worry him, he wept for his friend, and for himself, but most of all for them, because he didn't think there would ever be a Them. Not like Alica and Nathan, who were as close as could be, not even like Julian and Logan, with their insane love-hate relationship that tore the actor to pieces. Julian had his heart, even if he didn't know it, and Clark was slowly learning to deal with it, to live without it. It was all he was going to get, for now.

___(You're gonna wish you never had met me)__  
><em>_And you played it to the beat__  
><em>_(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)_

Finally, he couldn't hide any longer, and he came out as bi at a premiere. Standing there, surrounded by cameras and microphones, he met Julian's eyes, and the other teen turned away without speaking. Clark tried to find him, but couldn't, and then he had to deal with the fallout. It wasn't until he got back to the hotel that he received the text from Julian, asking why. He sent back that he was sorry.

He didn't get a reply.

Clark sent another message, saying he understood if Julian didn't want to talk to him anymore, and that if he wanted he could cut him from his life.

For a while, it seemed like he had.

___We could have had it all__  
><em>_Rolling in the deep__  
><em>_You had my heart inside of your hand__  
><em>_But you played it with a beating_

__Clark was sitting in a hotel room, having just wrapped on a movie, when there was a knock at the door. He answered and found Julian standing there, pale-faced. He stepped back, inviting him in.

"I thought you weren't speaking to me."

"I… I needed some time to think." Julian replied quietly. Clark looked at him.

"What about?"

"Us."

"Us? We… we're friends, aren't we?"

Julian looked at him. "You love me."

Clark froze. "I… how did you know?"

"It was obvious when I thought about it. Whenever I went back to Dalton, you had the same look as Logan, when he lost Kurt to Blaine."

"Who?" Clark asked, drawing a blank. Julian didn't talk about school much. The actor shook his head.

"It doesn't matter. So. You love me? How long?"

"Since we first met."

___Throw your soul through every open door__  
><em>_Count your blessings to find what you look for__  
><em>_Turn my sorrow into treasured gold__  
><em>_You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow__  
><em>

Julian glared. "And you didn't tell me? You're a bigger idiot than I thought."

"Thanks." Clark said dully. Julian moved to sit next to him.

"That's… it's not what I meant. You really didn't guess?"

"Guess what?" he asked, confused.

"Why I kept leaving. I didn't need school, but I couldn't be 'on' all the time and keep it hidden."

Clark frowned. "J, what are you talking about?"

"You really are clueless, Popstar. I left because of you."

"Me? What did I do?" Clark felt like Julian had slapped him. The brunette rolled his eyes.

"I'm in love with you, you idiot."

_But you played it__  
><em>_You played it__  
><em>_You played it__  
><em>_You played it to the beat._

"You're in- !"

"Yeah."

"Since- ?"

"We met."

"And you let me think- !"

"I was straight? Yeah. Blame Carmen."

"Blame her? I'm going to bloody kill her!"

"Well, you weren't exactly open yourself, Sawyer."

"I thought you were straight! I saw no reason to tell you, I thought you'd hate me!"

"Hate you? No. Never."

"Larson."

"…yes?"

"Come here."

And with that, they kissed.


End file.
